Have you ever been watching a show or a movie and thought to yourself “Wow that's crazy, that can’t be real life” and then BOOM you are in that exact movie and it is real life! There are no exact words to express the emotions that flew through my body when I received that “Darius got shot” text. The panic that took over me when nobody answered my calls. The literal heartbreak when the call came in, “he’s gone”. At that moment all I could do was think about my child and “what am I going to tell my baby”. There is no book, no show, no conversation, there is absolutely nothing that prepares you for such a life-changing moment….absolutely nothing!
As an unknowing high functioning depressed person for most of my life, this tragic shift that just occurred took me under and I was unable to hide it any longer. That conclusion did not come overnight. There have been many stupid decisions, projecting my anger, hiding my pain, and most importantly a ton of denial. Everyone is watching you to see how you handle the pressure and as your world is crumbling you feel the overbearing need to keep it together, stay strong, and suffer in silence. You want to talk to somebody, but who?.....
Life is forever changing and instead of being taught ways to cope and deal with everything life throws at us, we are taught to shut up and keep going. I want to create a world where not being okay is okay. Where we normalize strong as also knowing when to be vulnerable. A place where we take depression seriously before it leads to death.A place where we allow people to grieve however and whenever they choose. A place where we recognize the signs of anxiety and PTSD. A world where we take action to break the curses of the past to build a better future. A world where we stop being Lost for Words and speak up for ourselves!
I have created Lost4Words not only to honor Darius, the father of my son but to be the voice for the ones who have let all those questions keep them quiet.
We will no longer suffer in silence and we will no longer suffer alone.
In Loving Memory of
DARIUS MATTHEW EDWARDS
A FATHER, SON, UNCLE & FRIEND- June 3rd 1993 - April 7th 2016